Templar Conflict

Coallition Memorial Site
Dates 12/21/2011
Location Near Isla De Brevik
Result Battkhortostan-Nova Kurwa surrenders.
Templar victory.
Ban of Sikandar, YugoTexas and Rushkaball.
Flag Battkhortostan Flag Templar Order of St. Breivik
Leaders and Commanders
Flag Sikandar Flag Rushkaball
5 3
4 K.I.A.
1 surrendered
2 K.I.A.

The Templar War

The Templar war is an ongoing conflict between Rushkaball's Templar Order against… all the people he has insulted over the last week since his return.

The war started over Rushkaball recruiting one of YugoTexas' favorite citizens, then promptly sending him to murder a vocal member of the G.A.M., which immidately invoked outrage in both of them. After watching this, YugoTexas responded by banning all Kurwan citizens from membership in the Templars to prevent them being dragged into a war by their recruitment, which resulted in constant aggressive comments rom Rushkaball to Nova Kurwa over YugoTexas' leadership, to Battkhortostan's left-wing and Islamic political stance, and to a planned conspiracy from the Order to start a conflict between the Great Pan-Asian Meritocracy of the Tri-Isles and the State of Nova Kurwa.

Battkhortostan, after being guaranteed that the Order would be made to pay debts if they lost, declared war on the Order, and Kurwan and GAM citizens joined Battkhortostan as mercenaries and volunteers.

The shitstorm was already deployed.

On request of Rushkaball, YugoTexas called AlphaBernd to solve some issues about the problem. After taking a sight at the chat and attempting to arbitrate, AlphaBernd immediately got pissed off when it turned out he would not be getting laid due to involvement in moderating the shitstorm and acused YugoTexas of starting it.

Many discussion were had, and the idea of a war not happening over AlphaBernd's veto was possible. But after an almost constant hour of fighting, AlphaBernd let the war happen under some conditions I really don't give a shit about, so I'm not writing them down.

The belligerent sides prepared, and Sikandar called caBastard to moderate the battle. The moderator accepted, and as requested he took the soldiers to a neutral battlefield near Isla de Breivik that consisted of 3 virgin and deserted islands. The coallition was places in the smallest one, where they armed a fort, and the Templar in the most ample one, where they wandered arround doing nothing.

Just before the battle started, AlphaBernd said he would aid the Templars in fight. He joined and everything was ready for the war.

caBastard announced the countdown for the battle to begin, but had to suspend it due Rushkaball getting a fucking cup of tea. After caBastard saw Rushkaball active again and walking around the island, caBastard restarted the countdown and so the battle officially began.

The Battle

The Coalition immediately started shooting arrows at the island between the Templar's island and the Coallition's island. This neutral island was being occupied by spectators who ran for their lives as coallition soldiers shot them thinking they were templar members.

After being told by caBastard that they were shooting the wrong people, coalition soldiers immediately swam to the Templar's island. After they arrived they engaged combat in with the two Templars and AlphaBernd. Rushkaball was killed by Hopukka, and awesome was killed by Sikandar, AlphaBernd killed Eagle1, both YugoTexas and Sikandar were killed by AlphaBernd (although Yugo denies, this; further investigation is needed). The last part of the battle consisted of midriatic and Hopukka trying to kill AlphaBernd, which seemed to be nearly impossible because of sacred divinity in AlphaBernd's blood. In confusion, AlphaBernd didn't know who to kill, until the battle moderator let him know who they were. AlphaBernd killed midriatic and Hopukka surrendered by leaving the place.

Following his death, Rushkaball started complaining about never reading the countdown and that the countdown never happened, accussing caBastard of sabotaging his battle. Rushkaball was banned for not shutting the fuck up.


The coalition started calling AlphaBernd a faggot. Nobody really cared though. Sikandar was asking to be permabanned and YugoTexas wouldn't shut the fuck up in chat. After getting banned in IRC by AlphaBernd, YugoTexas logged in again to not shut the fuck up even more. Sikandar constantly killed himself in lava and threatened AlphaBernd to grief Kurwa in order to get banned. Ghoul then proceeded to ban them both and silence finally came to the server.

GHOST_BONER managed to take a shit in woods and smear it into his battle armer that he swore never to don again.

Following Battle(s)

YugoTexas says he still has 5 more battles against the Order. He also declared war on Greenland but at this point I already don't know what the fuck is going on. (After getting banned he jumped on IRC and swiftly withdrew his preposition of war, granted Greenland freedom, and abolished all claims to the island. He then went all emo saying we need a new map without politics)

The deserted islands were slightly damaged. caBastard proceeded to forest them and made graves of the fallen ones and made the place a War Memorial, or both the victors and the French defeated coallition.

AlphaBernd's monument Memorial site of the Order of Saint Breivik
  • battles/the_templar_war.txt
  • Last modified: 2020/11/08 04:02
  • (external edit)