Second Polish Crusade

The ultimate troll of papiezowyblues
Dates	05-03-13
Location	Cebulandia
Result	hollow coalition victory disappointment kovio banned
Belligerents
Kriegstein Consulate Kingdom of Breshik Battkhortostan Katten Khaganate Neo Wissendorf Waldsican Empire New Finngolia	papiezowyblues
Leaders and Commanders
Sidmarcus01 Shakomatic K_Chris Kovio† Ivanidiot rebelbaron Venomthrope	papiezowyblues
Strength
9	4
Losses
2	40
7 innocent bystanders

The coalition of English-speaking crusaders united to genocide the Poles some more. They encountered little resistance and massacred the few Poles present many times.

Though the Poles had considerably reduced their potatospeak in the chat when there were other players on, Sidmarcus01 and others still felt provoked by their mocking use of their language. papiezowyblues further fuelled the flames by taunting the crusaders, and accepting their declaration of war. Thus the decision was made to yet again massacre the Polish citizens of Onionland.

Polish defenders preparing for battle.

Having heard of the battle, the press and a number of curious onlookers entered Onionland. The thin ranks of Polish defenders took up position in their castle and on the magma-spewing tower-topped pyramid thing. They further sabotaged their own nether portal by spreading lava over it. Dookie of Kriegstein was the first to arrive; though he got safely past the Poles' trap, Killer_Chris burned to death upon arrival.

Killer_Chris avenged his own death by killing many of the Polish defenders; Dookie weighted in as well. Soon reinforcements from Waldsica, New Finngolia, Kriegstein, Breshik, New Finngolia, Katten, and elsewhere arrived. The instigator of the battle, papiezowyblues, took flight and left his fellow Poles to be slaughtered at the hands of the crusaders. Though the few defenders of the city fought fiercely, they were under-equipped and overwhelmed by the numerical superiority of the coalition forces. Novadayz, unarmed, resisted the attackers only to be killed dozens of times, while LAWABOJ fruitlessly defended his high ground to fire arrows at the invaders.
The battle was observed by curious onlookers and war reporters, which sometimes came under attack by either side; their self-defence only increased the number of Polish victims.
The merciless slaughter went on for a while, until, drenched in Pole blood, the crusaders grew weary of the senseless killing and declared the battle over.

Polish sabotage bombing.

Novadayz however dared the enemy forces to come to Onionland's church. He had prepared a TNT trap in front of the building, which blew up the street in front of it. It failed to harm the crusaders, who made short work of the Pole when they found him. Shakomatic took up residence in the church, to prevent pillaging from his fellow crusaders. On the way out, kovio planted another couple of dynamite sticks on the road and blew it up, killing spectator Koinucian in the process. He was promptly banned for this unnecessary grieb by venomthrope, who proceeded to roll back the damage.

Though the crusaders had won, they felt the victory hollow. They had encountered little resistance, and papiezowyblues had betrayed his own and escaped before the battle had even started. It turned out that he was not part of Cebulandia, but instead a troll (successfully) trying to sour relations between that nation and the rest of the server.

Breshikan Flags Flying over Cebulandia

The attackers were left with a hollow feeling inside, and did not feel like celebrating at all. papiezowyblues thought himself a successful master troll. Protesters demanded the release of the Khagan of Katten.
papiezowyblues is now a public enemy of both the Allied Forces and Cebulandia. The current bounty is of two stacks of [raw] potatoes. Shakomatic is offering a bounty of 3 gold ingots to whoever can bring papiezowyblues before his court.

The damage the Poles (and kovio) had inflicted on their own settlement was rolled back.