DEFINITELY NOT A BIASED ARTICLE — Christian Bale 2014/02/08 01:13

The Massace of Christians in the North

The Kriegsteinian Massacre of Christians
Dates 5-2-14
Location Northern Alpha's Realm
Result Sid still at large
Belligerents
al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades‎
Al-Qaeda
The Church of St. Elkku
Leaders and Commanders
Maximilien de Robespierre al Shariya
Shaqo bin Laden
Helios
Strength
4 2
Loses
1 2
A bunch of chickens

Missionaries from the Church of St. Elkku brought much-needed human aid and relief to northern Alpha's Realm. The priest of the church, Helios lead the expedition, bringing with him fresh eggs, bread, and chicken. Sidmarcus01 said that accepting human aid from the church was unacceptable, put down his 7 year old wife, fired his AK-47 into the air and screamed “allahu ackbar” before approaching Helios. Cornered by Sidmarcus and Shakomatic, they asked Helios if he had any last words.

The brave priest kneeled and simply said, “If you offer your food to the hungry and satisfy the needs of the afflicted, then your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom be like the noonday.”, quoting Isaiah 58:10.

Helios display of faith only stood to anger Shakomatic who detonated his vest prematurely, leaving only Sidmarcus with the Priest. Helios quoted scriptures again, saying “And God is able to provide you with every blessing in abundance, so that by always having enough of everything, you may share abundantly in every good work.”, quoting II Corinthians 9:8.

At this point, the Sheik was furious and beheaded Helios and his assistant, Hansenn.

Sid and Shako kept the chickens to eat, leaving their people to starve.

Sid and Septic went on to defile God's house with netherrack and fire.

Reactions

The Republic of Ender has issued a bold condemnation of the events in the north and their continued aggression against non-political players and entities. The Speaker of Congress stated that it is truly a shame that the Templars are nowhere to be seen as force must be met with force in order to protect the passage of missionaries and clergymen through the north.

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